In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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