I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
