Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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