She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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