about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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