I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
even my farts smell like vagina
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize