Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
