i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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