dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize