I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize