if you like me you must not know who I am
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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