Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
