We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize