It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
