tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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