bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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