that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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