omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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