Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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