Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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