I met the friendliest cop last night
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
