hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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