please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
