She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
