Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
