I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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