the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I want a musical about memes.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
