She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize