So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
