so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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