guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
