I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
