I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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