Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
These tits shall not be calmed
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
