: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
