I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
