so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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