There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
