I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
