You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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