Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
