I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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