Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
