lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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