dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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