my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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