i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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