My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
