I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
