I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize