I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
