Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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