I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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