FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
