Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
