you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
