I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
