I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
