if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
