there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
