You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
