Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
