I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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