I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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