Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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