here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
