lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
