I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
