Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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