I look better un-naked...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize