The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My vagina just clenched in fear
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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