It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
