Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
This is my gift to your gina
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
