I think im going to throw up on grandma
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
