If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My ass is underappreciated
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
